Listening Vs Hearing: Why Feeling Heard Is Universally Challenging
Introduction
We have all experienced one or many times when we are speaking, that what we have said, doesn't seem to land fully with the person or people we are speaking to. Also, we have all experienced what it is like to listen to someone and not fully grasp what they are talking about, when they feel they are explaining it very clearly.
This is when we need to realize we are all doing the very thing that we would want changed in the other person. Communication needs healing and in order to do that, learning what it means to listen vs hear will open things up for easier conversations between people.
Listening
When we listen we are taking in the words someone says into our mind so we can understand their message, and then respond back. When we are taking in what someone is saying into our mind we keep what they are saying in our short term memory. This isn’t always helpful as we can unintentionally lose the information they gave us because it isn’t being retained in our long term memory.
Another thing we need to consider, is the fact that we all have different levels of trauma that get in the way of hearing the full message or meaning the other person is trying to tell us. We always interpret what other people say within the confines of where our mental state resides.
We also can get preoccupied with our own needs, situations and challenges, that it can be hard to take in what other people are saying to us when there is already so much of our own stuff we are trying to process in our minds.
Hearing
Hearing is a deeper level of understanding. It is an embodiment of the understanding of information told to you. It is when you can feel the understanding, rather than just mentally processing the information.
When there is information being processed in the mind it is being taken in a way that can be superficial. However, if it is taken on an embodiment level it can be taken in a way that resides in meaning that can be interpreted by us that is in coherence with the person speaking the information.
When we get into a situation where someone is interrupting, they are only listening. Their mind has decided it’s processed enough of what has been said to make an assumption about where the conversation is going and is already thinking of a response that they need to say before the other person has even finished speaking their piece; which can commonly lead to misinterpretation.
When you fully let the person speak and “hear” the information you are more likely to receive their message in a more clear way, so therefore it is easier to recall it long after the conversation is done; despite other conversations that may have been forgotten due to the fact that they weren’t heard.
One of the more common things people choose to do to be heard better is yell. People notice that when something is being yelled it is more likely to be remembered than when it was said very kind and casually.
When someone yells, it cuts like a knife and shoots like a bullet through all the noise in the person’s mind so it hits on a level they feel in their body. Unfortunately, this method hits them in a way that can trigger their trauma or create new trauma; and when it hits trauma it is always embodied.
So, how do I speak to people in a kind and casual way where it can be embodied by them, and vise versa? There are two answers that:
Find a person who can professionally teach you ways of communicating in order to be heard in the way you want to be.
Heal your trauma. When you have resolved the noise in your own head and body, your energy will automatically come through with a way of speaking that will be much more easily heard by other people; whether they are healed or not. Also, when you are healed you can hear others in a more accurate way when perhaps those people aren’t coming across in the best way themself.
Miscommunication
Miscommunication is another side effect of not being heard. Misinterpreting what other people say comes from what I had mentioned above, when the mind interprets in the confines of where that person’s mental state resides.
In other words, you are not always aware you have misinterpreted what someone is saying because as far as you can tell, that is exactly what the person meant to say. This is why communication in a society that has a lot of trauma gets so confusing.
This is also why there are a lot of heated arguments between people. It starts with simple miscommunication that can lead to disagreeing, which then could lead to raising their voices in order to be heard - that will now be communicated through the frustration they feel, which then could turn into an argument that doesn't always solve things.
Reflect With Me:
I want to take this moment to reflect. Considering the topic of this blog, what information did you take in the most out of everything you read here? Give yourself a moment to consider this.
The part or parts that felt like it connected with you the most are the moments you “heard” what I was saying. Everything else you listened to, and therefore only got processed in the mind. Only processing things in your mind is not a criticism. Everyone does that because it is step one when taking in someone’s message. This reflection is just one way to support self-awareness of that. Step two is embodying the message that was just processed by the mind which is now hearing what the person has just said.
Conclusion
Communication can certainly get complicated sometimes and can be challenging to navigate. Healing our communication will take time because how we speak will always mirror where we are within ourselves.
It is our centre of expression and that can be extremely powerful. Which then gets received by all those who are there to listen and possibly hear it.
To be willing to have the patience and understanding with all those who aren’t able to communicate in a way that comes though with clarity and kindness, will be able to better “hear” the real messages between the words, and therefore better resolve any miscommunication.
Helpful Affirmations
“I am willing to hear what people are telling me in order for me to understand them better.”
“I let go of everything in me that is in the way to better hear what others are telling me.”
Try This Today
The next time someone speaks to you, consider the message between the words they are speaking and see what you can hear in your body.
Wishing you love, health & harmony,
Janette
